Thursday, May 10, 2007
Blog from Pádraig
We were out at a youth group last night, doing the third of six Forgiveness Journey sessions with them... this week we were looking at Revenge. We spoke about Revenge as being violent, or subtle, causing damage, or causing hurt, in response to a hurt that's been experienced. People spoke about how Revenge always needs to get the person back in a manner that is more hurtful, or more artfully malicious than the initial hurt. In our discussions together, it seemed that many people felt it was important to stick up for ourselves... The question was put out - Why do we take Revenge? What is it about us that feels that the way to validate our hurt is to take Revenge?
Adam Philips, a London psychotherapist, and seemingly well known amongst the psychological community, speaks of Revenge turning our "Rupture into story". Somehow the ability to bounce back and "get them back" with a "taste of their own medicine", whether quickly, or "as a dish best served cold" makes us feel like we are alive. It makes us feel like we have worth. It is saying "I have worth because I have the ability to hurt my perpetrator back".
A fascinating rationale! It is using violence to validate the rupture caused by violence. Yet, I know in my own bones that I can seek this ironic (and dangerous) sense of validation.
Forgiveness calls us to validate our pain in another way. It calls us not to quick or violent responses, but rather to sink into the ground of our own dignity. it calls us to consider that the person who has hurt us is a person. Even if they are depersonalizing themselves by acting inhumanely, Forgiveness always calls us to recognize the dignity, personhood & humanity of each individual and gain our identity and assurance from that as a fact, rather than our fleeting capacity to hurt them with greater magnitude than they hurt us. We will not gain any true self assuredness by returning violence for violence. We must sink deep into the ground of our heart and find dignity where it was placed - in the gift of life, in the breath of God that animates our bodies. We must rise from the dust of revenge and live as creatures of bone & flesh with hearts enlivened by the Spirit of God who loves us dearly.
Adam Philips, a London psychotherapist, and seemingly well known amongst the psychological community, speaks of Revenge turning our "Rupture into story". Somehow the ability to bounce back and "get them back" with a "taste of their own medicine", whether quickly, or "as a dish best served cold" makes us feel like we are alive. It makes us feel like we have worth. It is saying "I have worth because I have the ability to hurt my perpetrator back".
A fascinating rationale! It is using violence to validate the rupture caused by violence. Yet, I know in my own bones that I can seek this ironic (and dangerous) sense of validation.
Forgiveness calls us to validate our pain in another way. It calls us not to quick or violent responses, but rather to sink into the ground of our own dignity. it calls us to consider that the person who has hurt us is a person. Even if they are depersonalizing themselves by acting inhumanely, Forgiveness always calls us to recognize the dignity, personhood & humanity of each individual and gain our identity and assurance from that as a fact, rather than our fleeting capacity to hurt them with greater magnitude than they hurt us. We will not gain any true self assuredness by returning violence for violence. We must sink deep into the ground of our heart and find dignity where it was placed - in the gift of life, in the breath of God that animates our bodies. We must rise from the dust of revenge and live as creatures of bone & flesh with hearts enlivened by the Spirit of God who loves us dearly.
